Have you noticed that many mindfulness and meditation instructions talk about “emptying the mind” but give little in the ways of how this actually happens? We are told to sit, and watch our breath, and let thoughts play out like a movie, etc. The instructions vary widely between instructors and traditions. What’s more frustrating is that, when met with struggle, we are given the same advice over again and told to “keep returning to practice”. It seems to keep many of those curious about meditation in a “first date” zone. Forever scratching the surface, but never getting to the roots of the strangle hold their thinking mind has on their experience.
When I was in the monastery in China, a Japanese text was read and translated to us that outlined specific states one goes through in the meditation practice as they are approaching enlightenment. No metaphors, no esoteric maps. It simply said things like: first comes discomfort, then unrest, then acute bursting happiness, then an under-hum of chronic happiness. This blew me away because I had never heard a meditation text put things in the terms of steps and marking points; especially one so old.
In my life lately, I have been especially busy and stressed, which has resulted in an extremely prominent and “loud” thinking mind during my daily practice. While this was frustrating at first, putting this very energized mind “to bed” each day has shown me some clear patterns (layers of the artichoke to be peeled away as a process) that I would like to outline similarly to the Japanese text I heard in China. While I am not a Buddhist scholar by any means, I am a devout meditator and practitioner. Hence, I offer the following as a kind of “map” I have made watching my own thoughts slowly cease. Few things in this world are universal, so I offer this as just what I have observed, but I hope it may benefit the practice of all sentient beings.
1. Unaware of the Nature of Thought
The primary quality of this state of mind is a kind of internal ignorance in the true sense of the word (the root being “ignore”). This is where many people spend their lives and disentangling from this ignorance is where meditation first begins to work. When the mind is in this completely wrapped up state, our world view and bodies are at the complete whim of our thoughts. This is marked by a sense of life being out of control or overwhelming. A feeling of “why am I always like this?”, “why is life always the same story?”, or in general being defensive or reactive to the events of life or interactions with people. I have also noticed a general fatigue in the body in this state as the “flywheel” mind is drawing more and more energy from our bodies as it spins away.
What marks the end of the state is when the practitioner simply notices how out of control the thoughts have become. In other words, it is the moment when a person might say “wow I didn’t realize I was talking so fast!”, or “god I didn’t realize how stressed I am”. When we are deeply into stressful being, we might intellectually know it, or simply say so based on how full our calendar is but what makes this transition truly begin is taking the time to sit and feel (meditation) until a spontaneous internal acknowledgement occurs that something is wrong; much like an alcoholic needing to admit that they have a problem to begin seeking help. This is when the awareness of mind enters the next level that I call “solid” or “loud” thoughts.
2. Solid/Loud Thoughts
The primary quality of this state of mind is one of bondage. After one “wakes up” to how out of touch they are as outline above, one might try to simply stop the thinking but it keeps coming back. The internal dialog may shift from “wow my mind is running a mile a minute”, to “ok, back to the breath, let the thought go”. All the while the thoughts keep popping up, turning our mind into a broken record of “back to the breath” or some other pseudo-mantra. In the body, one becomes aware of how these highly energized thoughts are impacting the body and behavior. For example, one becomes aware of how thinking of work causes the heart rate to increase. How each time we have to return to breath counting we’ve somehow altered our breathing pattern when we lost count. How remembering a loved one causes the chest to hurt. In summary, we feel in bondage both physically and mentally to the play of our thoughts because of their continual reassertion over our efforts to be liberated from them.
This awareness of mind can often be very dense in the beginning of practice and its seeming impermeability can cause people to throw up their hands at any possibility of ever being out of the bondage. In mass media one can see how much of a common barrier to practice this state is because of how often people joke about how unbearable it is to be “left alone with your thoughts”. Indeed, this state can be extremely uncomfortable and can send people back into ignorance or even some form of self-medication to drive out the noise. However, if one is able to break through, either by life itself calming around you, or devotion to whatever practice you have, the “solidness” of these thoughts and reactions begins to soften and dissolve. Indeed, what marks the end of this state is a stubborn, almost fearless, commitment to practice. A commitment that one will sit no matter how long it takes (often accomplished in some form of retreat if you need that extra push). While it may seem scary if you are not used to longer sits, I find it often takes about 30-45 minutes for the solid thoughts to begin to break up when they are especially dense. However, once you do get past them, returning for a subsequent sit will take far less time to reach the same level of settling. So, if you are stuck here in your practice, I encourage you to try a second sit after a break from your first session. What comes next, I call “cyclical” or “chronic” thoughts as the vice grip begins to weaken.
3. Cyclical/Chronic Thoughts
The primary quality of this state of mind is one of innocent repetition. In my experience, this is the state when the mind actually begins to relax along with the body. If your practice is regular, or if you generally don’t have a problem with overactive or oppressive mind states, meditation might actually begin here. When I am in a retreat or the like for example, this is often where practice begins. In contrast to the “dense” thought state where runaway thinking is the majority experience, interrupted by stillness or focus, this state is mostly focused and quiet inside but interrupted by little thoughts that don’t impact your body or carry you along like a river. For example, a catchy jingle or song you love might play in your head and then start right over after moments of quiet. Snippets from favorite TV shows play off and on. Memories from your past might pop up like they do right before bed. If you aren’t careful, one of these popup thoughts might send you right back into stage 2 if you grab on to it so please remember that this process can go backwards as well as forwards! But, if you keep relaxed, even these habitual thoughts pass with time.
In my experience, this is a place where a true mantra (meaning “mind guard” in Sanskrit) can be very helpful to interrupt this pop-up cycle. You can hold a simple "ohm" or hum generate a white noise guard that can be quite effective. Whether you use a mantra or simple patient focus, the end of this stage is arguably where the first Dhyana or samadhi can be experienced as conventional thought is completely absent. No more rambling inner dialog, no more habitual repetitive interruptions, just a moment of simple experience. Many are happy with this stage and hang out here for a while. It’s fantastic for stress reduction and general mental health. However, there are deeper levels which, when attainable, begin the work on the subconscious mind instead of the thinking mind.
4. Thoughts Stored in the Body
The primary quality of this state of mind is quiet fidgeting. Focus and devotion of practice have stabilized thoughts so as they are no longer interrupting. Awareness can simply regard reality with no commentary or reactions; yet, some part (or multiple parts) of the body now become the interrupters. For example, when I was in China meditating the most I ever had, my mind would be clear, but I would catch my right hand picking at the hem of my robes. If I stopped the hand, I would get a wave of anxiety as if the anxiety had fled my mind into my hand to “hide” and my awareness of the fidgeting hand flushed it back out. Quickly I became aware of how many people subconsciously tense their hands when uncomfortable. The anthropologist in me says this goes all the way back to us being apes in trees. If you feel threatened, grip the branch harder so you don’t fall! Anyhow, examples here can be very interpersonal and can be shaped by past injuries, body image, and in general the places we have learned to “store” thoughts and emotions in the body. The primary point I am trying to illustrate here is that even a quiet mind is not “clarity”; for, our bodies are just as much a part of our awareness and experience as the thing we call mind.
These “stored” thoughts are what drive our subconscious behavior, especially body language and emotional reactivity, so getting to where you can be mindful of them is a big breakthrough in practice. A great book on this is “The Body Keeps the Score” by Van der Kolk if you want to dive further into this particular state of inner work. To move past this stage can take a lot of time, mindful movement, and compassion with the body and your past. For me, martial arts and therapies like Rolfing and structural integration were fantastic to unravel these “body thoughts” to begin to enter into a place where both mind and body could truly be still. From there, I have to pull from the Heart Sutra to describe the next level of a relaxing mind and body: upside down dreamlike thinking.
5. “Upside-down Dreamlike” Thoughts
The primary quality of this state of mind is one of being awake while deeply dreaming. These exact words “upside-down dreamlike thinking” come from a Chinese translation and are not often put exactly like that in other translations, but I find them very helpful to begin the description of this state. In regard to examples, one might first notice a sensation of vertigo. Fellow students have described this state as feeling like their head is a balloon floating over the whole world, or that they are in a state of free fall or levitation. I have experienced many of these myself as well, though lately for me it’s more akin to a dream asserting itself over the meditation. In short, one moment I will be fully focused on the moment, but then a dreamy sensation completely envelops me and I lose track of my referential awareness. Unlike the thought or body interruptions from before, this feels very much like a dream ripping me out of referential awareness before I even realize it. It can be so intense that I have even found my mouth shaping words to reply to dream entities and my head nodding to them completely independent of “my” control. I do not fall asleep as I am still aware that this hijacking is happening and I do not even wobble on my cushion, but the texture and sensation of dreaming pervades reality all the same.
Now, some people seeking the more visionary aspects of meditation might find this state quite attractive, however, I include this as a state of an unclear mind precisely because of its hijacking nature (not to mention sutra address it as well). When in this state of upside-down dreamlike thinking, if I apply witness awareness as it is happening, a quality of cocooning becomes evident. The dream-thought makes sensory input dull almost completely out. If you were repeating a mantra, it completely halts the mantra. If you were working on breath, the rhythm can completely change or be lost all together. The dream-thought cocoons you into itself and itself alone. Yes, it is intrinsically different from thoughts and fidgeting, and indeed a great mark of practice if you can get here and stay awake, but it is illusion all the same. In fact, I would caution people to be wary of experiences they have in this place as the cocoon is often enveloping you in things your subconscious accepts or reacts to without question (like my automatic niceties I give to the dreams). It is important then to recall what you can of these experiences as they offer much insight into your psychological bedrock. It is hard to say what marks the end of this state as I am still learning much about the experience, however, for the times I have been able to make it past the dream fog, what is left behind the dreams is emotion.
6. Emotions
The primary quality of this state of mind, now truly mind/body, is energetic. Not energetic as in someone with a lot of energy, but energetic as in being solely made up of energy. The visuals of the dreamlike thinking are gone, the mental dialog is gone, and what remains is energy. This energy presents in “flavors” that many call vibrations. Indeed, this is a fair assessment because a helpful analog to this state of being can be comparing vibrations in your normal life. Just as standing near a dissonant generator hum feels different than basking in the sun’s rays, so to do our emotions present in this mind/body vibrational place. Anger has a feeling in the body as does happiness. When you are able to mediate in the purely emotional state, you can begin to familiarize yourself with the texture and vibration of each emotion. The hardest part here is to simply regard the emotion’s qualities in and of themselves; for, it is incredibly easy to taste sadness and immediately return to the “solid thoughts” stage where your stories of what sadness means reassert control over your personal narrative and sense of self. What was before a clear and simply energetic “sadness” suddenly becomes “I’m still depressed after all this meditating”, or “how can I cope with all the suffering in the world?”. Nothing about the vibration of sadness told you these stories. It is simply the thinking mind (often called ego) trying to claim ownership of the vibration and set it in a functional matrix of value. So, what is one to do with all these emotional depths?
As hinted at before, simply remaining still and focused will allow the emotions to unfold naturally. You may cry, feel insurmountable rage, or even numbness, but if you can use the stillness cultivated in practice to let these things be what they are instead of explain them or fix them you will find each emotion has deep wisdom, even the “negative ones”. In my practice lately, I have begun to understand that there simply is sadness in this world. There is anger in this world. And there is joy. None of them are completely mine, or yours. I could go on about this topic of non-egoic perception of emotion, but I want to keep this piece instructional to meditation. The point is, the end of this state is marked by when you can let the emotions flow and teach you without grabbing on to meaning. If you can manage this, a taste of the final stage I have encountered so far can be experienced.
7. Clarity
The primary quality of this state of mind is equanimity. Such a pervasive equanimity, in fact, that the other states of mind can arise or overlap with it and you will still be undisturbed. You will know this is happening because a large thought or emotion will stampede through your being and you will not “stick to it” any longer. Another mark will be a kind of “freshness” to your experience. The thinking mind may mark, “hey I used to hate this room, now it's just a room” and you will be able to see how the vibration of hatred changed how you perceived the entire room, and how the thought “I used to hate this room” is not even worth listening to either, no matter how insightful it may be trying to be. Awareness itself will be the anchor and all the stages above mere plays of the diversity of experience.
This state is not apathy. Quite the contrary. You may see light move in the room and feel your internal world shift in relationship to the light in real time. You may notice how the inner world and the outer world overlap in a co-generation of sorts. These insights may even generate emotional energy in the mind/body but they are no longer any different than sunflowers following the sun across the sky. Everything flows in exquisite interrelationships and you are a part of it. I believe this is part of what the translations of sutras refer to as “bliss”. I’ve always felt that was an unfortunate translation because so many people (including the dictionary) associate bliss with pleasure and joy. What I am describing is beyond that because, as mentioned above, all the emotions can be held in this state. All conflicting systems of information can be held in this state. All is unconditionally held in this state.
This marks the juicy “heart” of my thought artichoke analogy and I think the farthest I have gone in my meditation practice. I am a veritable novice so please take this as a diary of experience more than a true roadmap; however, I do find these sentiments echoed in texts and in my talks with my mitras so I do feel compelled to share in the hopes that it might help those who have trouble quelling the mind feel less alone. If you’ve got a runaway mind, you’re still meditating. If you keep falling asleep on the cushion, you’re still meditating. If your in a state of clarity, you are still meditating. In Tibetan, the word for meditation is Gom or gommei which translates as “self watching”. So, if you simply watch this thing we call “self”, along with all the mess that might bring, you are a meditator. So the next time you go to sit, I hope this piece can help you look for some road signs that might not have been visible before. If you end up enlightened, maybe share this with your friends 😉